In October of 1997 I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease. Actually I had had Lyme for about a year and a half before formal diagnosis and had had many intense symptoms that came and went such as swellings in my feet, ankles and knees that made it very difficult to walk. In the summer of 1997 I had an abiding sensation in my throat that lasted several days, it felt somehow like something was stuck in my throat. I thought this symptom was just another of the host of symptoms from Lyme Disease.

During treatment for Lyme a large swelling or lump appeared on my neck. In researching information about Lyme treatment with antibiotics I thought the lump was perhaps I reaction to antibiotics called Herxheimer reaction, a swelling one can get from antibiotics. The swelling persisted.

The swelling was there for months and showed no sign of abating. I decided to wait to get the swelling checked out as I didn’t have health insurance. I had a job pending for start in the spring. That job came with health insurance. I saw a doctor in March. The Doctor wanted me to have the swelling checked out and referred me to an ENT doctor.


Tuesday April 7, 1998
On my way back from Pottstown. I saw Dr. B...., the ENT physician. We’re getting into a whole procedure here, more than I had reckoned. First I have to call my primary doctor and get a referral for an MRI. Then I have to see Dr. B...  again. He’s talking about me going into the hospital for a day and having a biopsy. I’ll be under anesthesia for that procedure. That’ll be OK. I guess it’s better than a procedure where I would be awake.

Thursday April 16, 1998
Just had a flash of an intense dream I had almost 30 years ago, sitting back at West Grand Street in Elizabeth and seeing the book Cancer Ward and thinking of throat cancer and how that would be the embodiment of the war of the opposites, how those who come into enhanced or radical awareness had to pay the price with physical afflictions. And so here I am today with a lump at the side of my neck, really at the level of the throat.

Friday April 24, 1998
Just got done with my MRI. It was more technologically invasive than I had thought it would be. I had to get a dye injection. The dye wasn’t bad. The dye didn’t have a bad effect like I had thought it might. I didn’t like going into the MRI tube. It was pretty loud and close in there. I did some meditation though so it wasn’t so bad.

Friday May 1, 1998
Heading down to Baltimore. I didn’t think I was going today. Car got together and Mike said he wanted to hang out with me so that’s good. Once again I’m in a dynamic time period. Tuesday I go under anesthesia to get biopsies of my throat. I guess I’ve got a tumor in the neck. Don’t know if it’s cancer or not. I’m not sure if I even buy into that model. I’m not sure what I’d do if the doctor recommended that I go under chemotherapy. I’m not inclined to do it. 

Maybe I could radically change my diet. Problem is, I don’t know if I have the emotional enthusiasm to go on some kind of dietary regimen. I’m not afraid of death. In a way I look forward to it. In a way, these latest health developments are kind of exciting, I have to admit. What if it’s my time to go? 

It’s also very interesting that during my intense dreams of 30 years ago I had an image of throat cancer. The image of cancer was very clear and I felt like I was going to come down with it. Of course, so much of my vision was about the “latter days” and that I would have to wait for the “great transformative process”. Maybe this is the time now. Maybe this is the time of completion. Maybe I will get very ill. I don’t know.

Sunday May 3, 1998
Tuesday I go for a biopsy at Pottstown Hospital. I guess this is the next step. I pray that my voice doesn’t get affected. Even now I feel a slight sore throat. I know I’ve had significant throat problems over the past year. So I don’t know what will be with this tumor here. We’ll just have to see.